Brian McCarthy: Original Music

Brian has been creating his own music since he was 9 years old, here is one of them. Enjoy!

New Beginning

Today was a day of... confusion. I started my day going to the 24hour Fitness and working out some and then I took my shower and came home to dress for my interview. I wasn't nervous at all and when I got there and into her office all that changed. She was asking me about my HS and if it was an alternative, (yes because HS isn't an option for pregnant 16 year old girls) why there were breaks between some of the jobs, why I left some after short times. She asked me so many questions about the places I had been that I started to feel shamed and thought it looked bad for me. I know that some jobs where because the company didn't have that "position" available anymore so I had to go, I know that one was bought out and my position wasn't moving on with it, and the other the company went out of business. I feel like I had to defend myself but really it's just embarrassing that I don't have a record of like 5 years here and 7 years here etc. I just haven't been sure about my direction in life, along with being dealt some hard positions at companies that were apparently having a hard time as well and now that I am 35 years old I think that I have a better understanding about where to go in order to maintain stability in my life.

Well whether I get the job or not is fine. I mean I would like it but it will once again be an adjustment for me and the family. It's only 3 days a week so I feel like it's not really that demanding on me, but getting up early again will be a challenge. Plus I want to make sure that I keep doing my workouts and getting this weight off me.

I didn't do any work out's last week (with the exception of one boxing practice and squats session with Ricardo) but I am determined to make this work here, so I just have to get up each day and try again to make that day better for myself and if I don't then I will just try again tomorrow. I pray for happiness today, rest and a brand new adventure tomorrow. Amen

Singing: LA Song

Sing from somewhere way down deep | Sing and make the angels weep | Sing and open heavens door | Sing till you can't sing no more. Sing. Sing your heart out!

Saturn Every 32 Years

So apparently Saturn circles the sun every 32 years and this some how has everything to do why around this age in a persons life they start noticing change and wondering about the direction their life is heading or had been heading. I seem to be no different in this. I am 35 years old now and I am searching HARD for my purpose, my point, my soul, my rights and my wants. This is not an easy task really.
Do I want to be thinner? Yes. Do I want to exude more love toward others? Yes. Do I want some inner happiness that seems to be missing? Yes. Do I feel like I am missing purpose with meaning? Yes. Can that meaning be about me without being seen as selfish? I hope so.

How does one go about becoming happy inside? being content with their body? being satisfied with the direction their life has gone and is heading? Find their soul and help it heal? Let go of the hurts from the past, learn from it and move past it becoming better for having lived and survived it?

How does one get to enjoy things they want in life without feeling guilty or neglectful to their husband and kids? What if my wants are different than what he wants, but I love him? What if my kids think that I don't care about them if I do something I want that doesn't include them, but I do? Does your family ever really see you as a unique woman or just a "wife" just a "mother", just a "family member"? Do you think that people really care what you want or do they just say they want nothing but the best for you as long as it's what they want too? Can someone that says they love you, really love you if they don't help you soar with your broken wings until they heal?

I don't even know if I can do this for someone. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe none of us can. It's a lot to love someone that much and if you do, are you really loving yourself too. That's a lot of energy to give someone, that's not you. I have heard the expression that in order to really be able to love someone you have to first learn to love yourself. This is not easy to do, for a lot of us, is it?

Through this complicated thought here what I am really trying to say is how do I love myself and change for the betterment of my body and soul without feeling like I am being neglectful to the ones I love so much? I want and need a break, but don't want to leave. I want and need quiet but can't just stop talking to people. I want and need rest but I just can't stop moving. I want to have the face of a person that is happy and confident instead of they face where people always wonder if I am mad all the time (stupid turned down mouth). I want to be the kind of woman that my family and friends can be proud of and that I can feel proud of knowing that I have a impact on them in my life. Someone they are proud of for just being me.

Mom's Birthday

So my mom is 68 years old today. When I was little I thought this was a very old age. I don't really think that anymore. She is a very young 68 and I am so glad for this because she is so amazing and spirited that I just think there is plenty more for her to do before she decides to go. I have a very false sense of time with people because I haven't really lost many in my lifetime. An Uncle at 53 and Aunt at 70 so it's hard for me to understand time. My dad's mom lived to 94 but his dad died when in his 50's. My mom's mom was in her 50's and her day in his 70's. You just never really know how long you have with someone do you.
My mom, I think, sometimes feels that people don't love her or that she is being a burden on them or maybe she just doesn't want to bother them. I think just the opposite. I see the way that her work friends lift her up. I wish that we all had more time to do this for ALL of us but if you ask ANYONE who knows my mom, about her, they will tell you how friendly she is, how reliable she is and how much they love and adore her. I have heard some say that she is the nicest person they have ever met and she always steps in to help out even when it's not her job that she is one in a million and amazing in her own way.

For me she is like a solid rock that never moves or budges in her love for me. She gives to me completely unselfishly and never expects anything in return for this love. I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to have chosen her for my mother and to have had her love and tenderness in my life all this time and for a LONG TIME to come still.

I love you so much Mom. I am thinking of you all day. I will always be so grateful for all the blessings you have afforded me and support that you are always giving to me. Happy Birthday.

My Review wide calf boots by Comfortview®

Originally submitted at WomanWithin

This season's favorite footwear choice: our suede-look wide calf boots to wear with your favorie outfits! The best fit & price in wide calf boots.

• full inside zip, cushioned lining, non-slip rubber sole
• man-made; imported
...

"Alanis" wide calf boots by Comfortview®

Awesome Boots

By Finally Wearing Boots from Lynnwood, WA on 4/7/2011

4out of 5

Sizing: Feels true to size
Width: Feels true to width
Pros: Stylish, Comfortable
Best Uses: Casual Wear
Describe Yourself: Comfort-oriented, Conservative

I usually can't find boots that fit my calfs (they aren't really that big... but) boots in the stores tend to be quite skinny. Thanks for designing bigger girl boots. I really like them

(legalese)