Saturn Every 32 Years

So apparently Saturn circles the sun every 32 years and this some how has everything to do why around this age in a persons life they start noticing change and wondering about the direction their life is heading or had been heading. I seem to be no different in this. I am 35 years old now and I am searching HARD for my purpose, my point, my soul, my rights and my wants. This is not an easy task really.
Do I want to be thinner? Yes. Do I want to exude more love toward others? Yes. Do I want some inner happiness that seems to be missing? Yes. Do I feel like I am missing purpose with meaning? Yes. Can that meaning be about me without being seen as selfish? I hope so.

How does one go about becoming happy inside? being content with their body? being satisfied with the direction their life has gone and is heading? Find their soul and help it heal? Let go of the hurts from the past, learn from it and move past it becoming better for having lived and survived it?

How does one get to enjoy things they want in life without feeling guilty or neglectful to their husband and kids? What if my wants are different than what he wants, but I love him? What if my kids think that I don't care about them if I do something I want that doesn't include them, but I do? Does your family ever really see you as a unique woman or just a "wife" just a "mother", just a "family member"? Do you think that people really care what you want or do they just say they want nothing but the best for you as long as it's what they want too? Can someone that says they love you, really love you if they don't help you soar with your broken wings until they heal?

I don't even know if I can do this for someone. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe none of us can. It's a lot to love someone that much and if you do, are you really loving yourself too. That's a lot of energy to give someone, that's not you. I have heard the expression that in order to really be able to love someone you have to first learn to love yourself. This is not easy to do, for a lot of us, is it?

Through this complicated thought here what I am really trying to say is how do I love myself and change for the betterment of my body and soul without feeling like I am being neglectful to the ones I love so much? I want and need a break, but don't want to leave. I want and need quiet but can't just stop talking to people. I want and need rest but I just can't stop moving. I want to have the face of a person that is happy and confident instead of they face where people always wonder if I am mad all the time (stupid turned down mouth). I want to be the kind of woman that my family and friends can be proud of and that I can feel proud of knowing that I have a impact on them in my life. Someone they are proud of for just being me.